How Did You Do That?!

“Then the light begins to shine and I hear those ancient lullabies”

As a kid, I was amazed at the things my father was able to do. He could ride a bicycle without hands, hold his breath under water, grow beautiful vegetable gardens, blow bubbles with chewing gum, and navigate his way through areas of New York I could only dream about exploring. He was the most capable person I knew. My young eyes observed him and always wondered “how” he could be proficiently skilled and confident in his abilities. The mind of a child is continuously amazed and fascinated by the world. That wonder is renewed every day and every time they see something new. As we grow older, these amazing moments tend to drop off in frequency. Adults sill get glimpses of “how did you do that?” instances, but they don’t always hold the same impression.

This Father’s Day is an important time to recall how the first impressions of our journey through life are impacted most when we are children. Our fathers have an incredible amount of influence on us at all times. We trust them to give us answers, to explain why things are the way they are and how we can accomplish the very acts we observe in fascination. I’ve been blessed to have my father as a positive influence throughout my childhood and adult life. I am even more fortunate to have an eternal father who has all the answers. Our Father in heaven is able to do far more than any of our earthly fathers. He reaches us in unspoken ways, much like a Dad who disciplines his child with a “look”. The child knows that look means to behave. God gives us glimpse of amazement every day, though we all must wait to see the complete picture. God grants us freedom on this journey to discover His creation just as our Dads enable us to freely choose our way. The choices we make, they pray, are ones they’ve helped equip us to handle.

I was winning a tennis match in tenth grade. My father was cheering from the sideline fence. On match point, I whipped a backhand approach shot crosscourt. The winning shot was hit so precisely that it tapped the corner between the baseline and the singles alley. I looked back and my father shook his head and raised his eyebrows. Later, on the ride home, he asked “how did you do that” about the final shot.

In this journey we call life, our fathers give us the confidence we need to become better. In the end, our amazement is their amazement too. Happy Father’s Day!

“Bit by bit I realized…I looked into my father’s eyes”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1NbKtP4cqk

Red Rover

“You want to run; you want to break free”

The childhood game, Red Rover, was a yearly ritual at my birthday party as a kid. The game goes something like this: form two teams and have everybody stand shoulder-to-shoulder with their teammates, holding hands and facing the other team. Leave enough distance for players to run between the lines of teams. One person shouts out, “Red Rover, Red Rover, send ‘so-and-so’ over”. ‘So-and-so’ then attempts to run between two players and break their interlocking hands. If the bond is broken, ‘so-and-so’ chooses one player from the opponent’s team to bring over to the other side with them. The idea is to get all players on one side.

I’ve been thinking a lot about teamwork, talent and working in pairs to achieve goals. Team tennis is essentially a match between individuals or pairs. You need your doubles teams to be successful just as much as you need your singles players to win matches. Points are tallied by breaking down your opposing partners’ bonds and finding their weakest links. In Red Rover, the common sense strategy would be to attack the two weakest partners and try to run through the bond that appears easiest to break. But sometimes even the strongest and biggest individual effort cannot break a seemingly weak link. This is why team work and partnerships are so essential to not only success in games and sports but in our everyday lives.

The cohesiveness of teams has long been a fascinating phenomenon to me. I’ve done research papers and studied for years on the topic of organizational behavior as it relates to teams. The power of teamwork and combining talent efforts is perhaps most important in the business world. Think of your workplace. How many times during the day to you rely on other people’s insight, advice and production? Do you attack your competitors at their weakest points? Are your partnerships so solid that even the strongest forces cannot break them down? As a tennis player, this idea of teamwork is sometimes lost in the game of singles. But each singles players will still rely on the advice of a coach, the encouragement of a teammate and the support of the fans. No one acts alone in any sport. Track stars who compete in relay races each bring something to the field. For every Michael Jordan, there is a Scottie Pippin. You can’t win alone. There is always, and should always be, room for two, or three or more.

Just as we can’t win alone, we cannot lose alone either. The last two kids standing on the Red Rover line will either win or lose together. A co-worker may fail at a project but it’s the company that takes the hit. When your tennis team goes down 0-7, it’s as a team. So, who will you send for the next time you need to strengthen your link?

“I will stand up for you no matter what you’re going through”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODyKovlGz8k

Quiet Elation

“Laughin' 'cause the racket makes the blackbird sing
Like the holy terror
Suck the marrow from the bone
Singe, you're always burning books
You got the chorus and the ring”

It’s so nice when you can bring people together. That isn’t always the case, as distance and circumstance dictate our lives in so many different ways. Still, we all come together when there is a victory to celebrate. The elation of a glorious feat binds us to one another. The beauty of sport is that we can make it personal, whether we are in the stadium to witness the game or not. Celebrations that happen in our own homes and in our hearts are victories nonetheless.

This past Monday night, the stage was set for the national championship and first college football playoff game between Ohio State and Oregon. Flashback to January 2003: I was sitting at my desk in The Leader office penning a letter of intention to become the next Sports Editor of the Fredonia State paper. As a humble sophomore, I wanted nothing more than to earn this distinction and yet I felt I was really the only person fit for the job. I lived and breathed sports, especially the collegiate ones. There was a picture pinned next to my computer (the only Mac I have ever used). The glossy color photo showed quarterback Craig Krenzel, running back Maurice Clarett and head coach Jim Tressel smiling over a hoisted trophy. I had come to associate my own fate with that of my precious Buckeyes. I wanted the prize, yes. But more than that, I wanted the opportunity to grow. There weren’t any social media sites that surfaced photos of my team back then. I had to go out and purchase the local Dunkirk paper, the Sporting News and hope that the CVS would carry a copy of Sports Illustrated with the OSU champions on it. I watched the game alone in my dorm room. As Ken Dorsey hit the turf for the final time and Miami fizzled like a dying hurricane, I celebrated in quiet elation.

Flash forward to Monday night: The final score flashed across my screen and that same elated feeling zipped through my chest. Happiness cannot begin to describe the feeling I felt when the Buckeyes cruised by the Ducks. They weren’t supposed to be there in the first place. The Big 10 wasn’t supposed to represent in this first ever playoff. Where was the SEC team? But just as sports can never be completely predictable, there they were again. This time the game was in Dallas, close enough for me to actually attend.  There was Cardale Jones firing bullets to his receivers, Ezekiel Elliot rushing down the sidelines and devouring yards and Urban Meyer mastering the playbook in creative and effective ways. It was beautiful. To me, the Ohio State Buckeyes were never out of it. And so when the new era of Buckeye players hoisted that trophy, I celebrated something more than a game in my heart. It reminded me of all the quiet victories in my life, the ones no one ever sees but you feel just the same. There is nothing quite like your favorite team winning a title game. The 2014 Buckeyes won in such a feel-good way and that made the victory even sweeter. Ohio State won! The feeling never goes away as a fan. I may never sit in the Horseshoe in Columbus and watch I game. I may never come close to meeting Joey Bosa, even if he makes it big in the NFL. But what I do know is that we as fans take it personally, as if we were there. In 2003 and last Monday night, I was there. The best part is, I can look back and say that I did get my opportunity to grow, just as the young Bucks got theirs.

“Swing alone, quote the scriptures
Keep them guessing which bed you crawled from”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RW9mSBQU_88

Gratitude By The Numbers

“For all your goodness I will keep on singing”

Have you ever wondered what the numbers on a tennis ball signify? You almost always see the brand name (Penn, Wilson) followed by a number (typically 1-4). Are higher numbered balls used for highly skilled players? Do the lower numbers mean the balls are less bouncy? No, not at all. Those little numbers do not have any technical differences. A Wilson 1 is the same as a Wilson 2 or 3. The numbers are simply used to help players distinguish their tennis balls from another’s in a multi-court environment. It helps players identify which balls belong to which court when shots are hit astray. It makes sense to number the balls, but I sometimes feel tennis ball manufacturers should be more creative with their distinguishing features. The numbering system seems so unoriginal and dated. The fact remains that all tennis balls are the same, and yet many players still have their preferences for brand and number (I was partial to Wilson 2’s for many years).

With Thanksgiving approaching, it’s easy to distinguish the things for which we should give thanks. But aren’t all blessings, like the tennis balls, the same? Should we not be equally thankful for the little things as well as the big things in life? This year, I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for:  a rewarding job, a new car, a healthy family, cheerful friends, a loving and supportive fiancé, a safe home and a future that I am looking forward to more than anything else. These blessings have rolled onto my court and found their way into my hands, many without my asking or deserving. Like the numbered tennis balls, the things I am thankful for this year are made of the same “stuff”. They are all important and all serve to bring about joy and peace in my life. I can easily distinguish each blessing from another one, but there are no differences beyond the outside identifiers. Inside my heart is where they are equally aligned. I hope you feel the same way this Thanksgiving, and throughout the year. Always let thankfulness be a part of your game.

“Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwIT8JjddM

Choices

“Did you ever have to make up your mind?”

It’s good to have choices in life, but choosing something based on one factor or motive may or may not lead to a desirable outcome.  This week I find myself selecting a wedding venue with my fiancé. I keep secretly hoping one with a tennis court will show up to make my decision twenty times easier. I can’t help but draw comparisons between wedding planning and another transitory period of my life: graduating from high school and choosing a college.

I recall making tennis my “x-factor” in my final college decision-making process. I knew two things back in high school when I was choosing which college I would attend: that I wanted to play tennis and study sports management. Which school offered me the best chance to be a part of a team? Which one presented the most attractive overall program? What university would allow me to play at my highest level? What could I afford, and guarantee a quality education to boot? If only choosing the right venue for my wedding worked in a similar manner. This engagement period is just like senior year. There is a huge lead-in (hints of a ring) and when you finally arrive at that “senior” status (I’m engaged, he proposed!) the excitement carries you through several months. The planning begins immediately for the future when you enter senior year. Where will I go to college and what will I study? Will I be able to play tennis and get a scholarship? You start visiting colleges and making lists. In the engagement scenario, it’s much of the same. Once the phone calls die down and news spreads throughout the office, it’s time to get out the old pen and paper and start listing Pros and Cons for every venue. Which one offers photography and do any include catering in the package? What venues can I see myself falling in love with time and time again when I look back at that big day?

I chose Fredonia State University as my undergraduate college because it had the most personality. Looking back, I could have chosen any of the schools I applied to because I was accepted at all of them (just as I can choose any venue, so long as they have a date in March when we are planning to wed). I could have gone to Niagara University on scholarship and played on the tennis team. I could have stayed close to home and saved on room and board, while very likely making the team as a walk-on. But I chose FSU because that was the school where I knew I could play my best tennis, receive an education and experience life away from home. I was sold on the personality of the campus, and my first meeting with the tennis coach sealed my decision. Tennis was the selling point in my heart. It’s the same way when choosing my wedding venue. My fiancé and I are traditionalists. We want a place that offers us the chance to bring out that part of our personalities. We want a place that mixes well with our own personalities. We’re also romantics, who know that whatever choice we make will create a special occasion. I’m not sure what our x-factor is. It certainly could be tennis, as impractical as it sounds. But I think deep down the two of us know the decision will come down to what venue displays the best personality. It’s such a great feeling when you finally make that choice. I remember declaring my college for the first time and writing my name inside my tennis bag with a Fredonia sticker on it. Big choices demand relief, and that is how I will feel when we arrive at our decision. In the meantime, it’s time to enjoy the tennis of October with the man I love. Now that's an easy choice.

“Say yes to one and let the other one ride…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cypJhxt6E8

Flirting With Perfection

“The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold”

Six months ago, a young man from Plano, Texas asked my parents if he could court me. I thought that gesture was the perfect introduction for my parents to the man I had come to adore in the short time we had known each other. It wasn’t long at all before I discovered how perfect this man was for me. The first time I challenged him to a tennis match, he accepted.  He may have regretted that decision initially, though his confidence was soaring when the score read “love-love”. I flirted with perfection in that match, nearly defeating him 6-0, 6-0. He did manage one game off of me, an impressive feat considering he hadn’t actually taken a single tennis lesson his entire life. On the other side of the court, I had toiled since age seven through tennis lessons, camps, clinics and competitions. After our first match, I realized I had created a monster, or fueled the competitive monster within him. It was a good monster though; the kind that gets his kicks on the tennis court and stays in line when off the court. He’s one of the “good” ones.  I’m certain he’s a keeper.  I finally have the perfect partner in all things and our future together is an auspicious one.

A rally is a sequence of shots within a point.  The completion of a point changes the score. There are short rallies in life where we feel a slow rise to the top, only to later discover it was a momentary high.  The score may change, but it’s not the ideal outcome. Other rallies end suddenly or slowly in defeat, leaving us dejected and discouraged. Rallies are difficult to sustain. Before I met Robert, I wondered if I could stay the course. I had fallen short of the perfect rally many times before. I had bailed early or not early enough. Sometimes I rallied persistently but was easily victorious over a non-pursuing opponent. More often, I walked away from the courts and rallies that had no signs of persisting.  The returns were too shallow to sustain.

God brought Robert into my life in such an unpredictable and unexpected way. It was as if our Lord had disguised and planted the perfect drop-shot in my court, and I had to rush to meet it. I did meet it, with a rally I had never known could persist so fully. Robert is persistent. This persistence is what initially drew me to him, though having dimples certainly helped his case. He persistently works on his serve and reminds me a lot of myself in his approach to the game. It’s refreshing to know there is another like-minded tennis stickler out there. Robert is gaining ground on me. His persistent game is perfecting itself with each match. I love watching him rally with me. I even hope he defeats me one day because with him, I can never truly lose. That’s why he’s the perfect opponent no matter what the score.

Robert’s rallies are the kind that can last forever. They’re as engaging and fetching as he is. One of the first memories I have of him is his charming, well-intentioned and successful attempt to extend our second date into a six hour affair. He is so adept and savvy when it comes to life’s important moments beyond the baseline. On the court, he challenges my return of serve and backhand slice. Robert brings a kind of rhythm to my game (he even dances to music on the court when prompted) and puts the beat in my heart over and over again. Robert is also a wealth of knowledge and is constantly trying to improve his game by observing the pros (always an admirable quality in the best of tennis players and people). He invests his heart into everything and this is perhaps what I love most about him.

The Lord has constructed us the perfect rally, a complementary give and take relationship both on and off the court. As God’s children, we can’t often see His ways early in the game. The first set is not always an indication of the final result. It’s rare to establish “court” in the first set. Though, somehow, someway, that set comes along where we flirt with perfection and just know what the final result will indicate. God’s ways are always perfect and I feel as if I am flirting with perfection when Robert and I take the court. The rallies that sustain and persist are the ones that hold the most meaning. The indefectible, perfect ones. The sequences of shots that don’t reflect in the score but still completely changes you are the ones to embrace in this life.

“Just know that I’m always parallel on the other side”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsW1G1JlgRU

A Point to Ponder

“You may not know this, but you are everything you ever needed”

Imagine for a moment you’re behind in a tennis game, about to be broken on serve, with the score reading 30-40. You serve up an ace to knot the score at deuce and fight off the break chance. Imagine doing this repeatedly throughout a match. Every time you get close to going down a break, it’s you who strikes back. There are some players who continually fend off break points, and win matches by a hair. What is it that lifts them up in those moments and keeps them from losing it? I think it’s the same stamina, perseverance and will that propel us through life’s near breaks. Do you ponder these points only when you are forced to withstand them, or do you actively seek to avoid such pivotal situations?

I like to think as the great Yankee Yogi Berra did: “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over” is a great catchphrase for the positive, persevering mind. I often wonder if we truly believe that though. Yesterday I was watching Serena Williams topple Flavia Pennetta in the U.S. Open quarterfinal. Williams all but had the match in the bag after the first few games of the second set even though the match wasn’t officially in the books. How do we determine the point where we can no longer fend off a break? Have you ever stood by as someone’s life completely fell apart, point after point? Some of the time, there is more than meets the eye. Underneath the surface of our lives, of our serves, often lies the inability to fend off the break. You can come out on the other side knotted at deuce, avoid the situation entirely or declare it over before the end begins. The outcome is all in what you believe, and that is the main point to ponder.

“But we’ll come back alive, ‘cause only the strong survive”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HqSm90hlZM