Moving On

“Nothing’s going to hurt as much as that final touch”

Never has a year challenged my mind to change and my heart to move on more than this past one. As I turn the page on this year and look ahead to 2012, here are some reflections from the roller coaster ride that was 2011.

Good things happen to those who wait. This is true of life and tennis. Sometimes you have to wait for the right shot to win a point. Games aren’t won or lost with immediacy. The drudgery of six games equals one set. That is, IF you win by two games.  One set does not make a match either. You must win at least two sets to defeat your opponent in tennis. Several fortunate opportunities presented themselves in my work life this year. Grateful as I am for these new roles, they would not have occurred if I had not put in my time and been a patient person. Rewards earned the hard way, they say, are often the most precious.

A beautiful thing happened this year. I met some really great people who have continued to support and surprise me with kindness. College has opened me up intellectually to a diverse range of subjects and people from all walks of life. I’ve been able to get to know and work with many different people, although temporarily. Those people have touched me throughout the year and it’s been bittersweet moving on from those experiences. It reminds me of playing college doubles against my teammates in practice. We rooted for each other, even as we played on opposite sides of the court. It was a team effort and bonding. The stakes weren’t too high but fun reigned supreme. Playing with and against my teammates has prepared me for life’s many enjoyable moments. 

Defeat on the tennis court has also prepared me invaluably for life’s disappointments. I said goodbye this November to my 16 year old cat. A month later, I hugged my sister goodbye as she bid farewell to New York for Texas. Life changes are never easy. Moving on is a battle of emotions and struggle of the heart. My cat is in a better place, but letting her go was a most unsettling experience. To never see her face again or hear her cries at my feet are hard thoughts to get my head around. My sister, and best friend, is a time zone away now. We communicate through mail, email and phone. I drive by her old apartment or pass her favorite store and memories come flooding back like a hurricane returning from the shore. Change is necessary, however. If you keep pedaling back to the ball, you’ll never gain ground at the net. You’ll never get the chance to put the ball away and reach full potential.

Love is not so simple where we can dismiss it yet not so complex where we cannot earn it. As I prepared to write this blog, I toiled with yet another ‘moving on’ moment. One of the hardest things in life is walking away from someone you deeply love after you’ve given your very best. I fell too fast for someone--someone who had my heart spinning from the first moment we met. He tore my heart in half instead of grabbing hold of it. In tennis if you get ahead too fast, you sometimes lose sight of the entire match. You’re drained by the second set because you’ve expended too much energy winning those first games. It was the same way for me. I am zapped of energy to hang on any longer to the one I could have forever loved. And so as I move on, I am learning to love again. Love has to be earned. It has to be saved for those who deserve our energy. I don’t like letting go and goodbyes are always going to be grueling. Tennis has taught me how to handle those moments I would rather not face. Moving on is part of the game. It’s part of life, no matter how hard we try to fight it or avoid it.

“The door is closing and I just can’t change it”